The Choosing Read online

  Meren coughs and struggles to swallow without choking. “Jerath, let me introduce you to Torek.” He points at him and grins. “He’s my friend and second-in-command, and he has a smart mouth.” Torek looks slightly older than Meren. He’s just as tall and broad and has the same golden skin, but with black hair and dark eyes.

  Jerath nods in greeting and chooses to ignore Torek’s earlier comment for now. “Forgive me for asking, but aren’t you both a little young to be in charge of all these men?” Jerath can see Serim shake her head out of the corner of his eye, and he hopes he’s not managed to offend them. He’s just curious. The elders are the ones who make all the decisions in Jerath’s village, but these two look the same age as he and Serim. Much to Jerath’s relief, both Meren and Torek laugh and don’t seem at all bothered by his question.

  “I turned nineteen on the last new moon,” Meren replies. “It’s customary for the chief’s son to lead the hunting party when he comes of age. This is my second hunt.” He says it with pride, and Jerath notices how his eyes shine with the light of the fire.

  Meren’s face is all angles—high cheekbones and a sharp jawline—but his lips look soft and inviting, and Jerath wonders if they taste as good as they look. He realizes a moment too late that he’s staring, and Torek’s loud laughter has him scooting back a little, away from Meren.

  “It would seem that Jerath likes the look of you too, Meren.” Torek wipes his hands on his breeches and fixes his gaze on Jerath. “What do you say, Jerath? Will you be warming the bed of our handsome leader tonight? I hear that he’s very talented in that particular area.”

  Jerath feels the heat blooming in his cheeks. He’s already warm from the fire, but now his face feels much hotter than the flames. Both men are looking at him, waiting for him to reply, but Jerath can’t think of a single thing to say. He’s not used to men talking so openly about liking other men, and he’s not sure if they’re serious or just trying to goad him into saying something incriminating.

  Jerath has no idea what it’s like in the Southern lands, how they treat same-sex pairings. He doesn’t want to get caught out and ruin their chance of getting help for their village. All that aside, he may not be a virgin anymore after the ritual, but he’s still inexperienced where sex with men is concerned. He isn’t about to jump into bed with the first man that shows an interest. Jerath opens his mouth, but he still has no idea how to reply.

  Torek grins and apparently takes Jerath’s silence as permission to tease him some more. “Maybe I was mistaken. Do you prefer women or men, Jerath? Meren likes both, don’t you?”

  Jerath turns to look over at Meren and notices that he’s not smiling anymore. Jerath can’t quite tell what expression Meren’s wearing; it’s sort of a mixture between confused and worried. Jerath puts his plate on the ground, ready to get up and walk away if he needs to. He doesn’t like the look on Meren’s face and he’s not sure what’s expected of him and he can feel his heart rate spike.

  “Stop it.” Serim looks between Meren and Torek as she grips Jerath’s hand. “I don’t know the customs of the Southern lands, but this isn’t something we talk about openly in Eladir.” She looks accusingly at Meren.

  Torek immediately cuts in, his voice full of apology. “The fault is mine. I meant no harm, I swear.” He looks over at Meren, who nods back at him to continue. “In Kalesaan it’s common for men and women to take partners of either sex into their bed, if they desire. And it is spoken of without shame or embarrassment.” He reaches out and puts a gentle hand on Jerath’s knee. “I’m sorry if I’ve offended you. I didn’t know this wasn’t common practice in the north, I only meant it in jest.”

  Jerath begins to calm down as Torek speaks. He can’t believe that people are free to choose whomever they want in Torek’s village, and he feels a stab of jealousy at the freedom they’re afforded.

  “If this is not your way,” Meren addresses him as Torek sits back down, “then we will not speak of it again.”

  No. Jerath wants to talk about it. He wants to be able to relax and be himself for once, without fear of being judged by his peers for something that comes naturally to him. He reaches out and grabs Meren’s wrist. “It’s not the way of my village.” He takes a deep breath, knowing what he’ll be admitting with his next sentence. “But it is my way.”

  It takes a moment or two for Jerath’s words to sink in, and then Meren smiles. It reaches all the way to his eyes, and Jerath feels that familiar warmth inside as Meren nudges him with his shoulder. “I look forward to learning more of your ways, Jerath.” His voice is soft and it washes over Jerath and makes his skin tingle.

  “So, Serim,” Torek starts, and he’s deadly serious now. “I think I’d like to know a bit more about these raiders.”

  Meren seems reluctant to look away from Jerath, but eventually turns to include Torek and Serim as he speaks. “Yes. And also what you want from my father.”

  Jerath tries to concentrate on the conversation. He joins in with Serim to explain that they’re hoping Meren’s father will help them, as the people of his village did before. But Meren is still pressed up against his thigh and it’s very distracting.

  By the time they’ve finished, it’s dark and Jerath is yawning. It’s been a long day for him and Serim, and it’s starting to take its toll. Meren and Torek have agreed to talk to Meren’s father and encourage him to help them. It’s all they can ask for, and Jerath knows that Serim is as relieved as he is.

  They all stand, ready to go to bed, and Jerath feels the awkwardness start to seep in. They’ve not mentioned the teasing conversation from earlier, but now that it’s time to sort out sleeping arrangements, Jerath can sense that everyone is thinking about it.

  Although he likes Meren, and has already imagined what it would be like to share his bed, there’s no way that’s happening tonight, so he speaks up before anyone else has the chance.

  “Serim and I will be happy to sleep by the fire, if that’s all right?” They’re used to sleeping outside, and Jerath has every intention of suggesting they take turns to keep watch. These men are still relative strangers, after all, no matter how trustworthy they appear.

  “No,” Meren says, and Jerath is about to protest, but Meren smiles and holds up both hands. “You are our guests. Please.” He gestures to the tent behind them. “You and Serim take my tent. I will join Torek and the others.”

  Jerath is speechless again, but fortunately Serim is not.

  “Thank you,” she says. “That’s very generous of you. We will be honored.”

  She walks toward the tent after bidding the men good night, and Jerath follows her.

  “Jerath?” Meren’s soft voice stops him in his tracks. “Can I speak with you a moment before you go?”

  Jerath turns back and is surprised to see Meren now alone by the fire. He walks toward him and stops a couple of paces away.

  “I’m sorry if you felt uncomfortable earlier. Torek meant no harm, but doesn’t always know when to stop.” He takes a few steps closer and Jerath swallows nervously. “He was right, though, you are a fine-looking man.” Meren reaches up and strokes his thumb down Jerath’s cheek. His skin feels rough, but his touch is gentle and Jerath leans into it. “And as much as I would like you in my bed tonight, I understand that your ways and mine are very different.”

  Jerath’s heart pounds. How easy it would be to lean forward and kiss Meren, to tell him yes, he’d very much like to join him in his bed. But Jerath is inexperienced and Meren is obviously not. Jerath’s not sure he wants to be just another bed warmer for the chief’s son, as appealing as that seems at this precise moment. He also doesn’t want to leave Serim alone. So he takes a step back.

  “Yes,” Jerath answers. “They are.”

  Meren smiles softly. “Night, Jerath.”

  Before Jerath has time to react, Meren leans in and kisses him. It’s just a gentle brush of lips at first. Meren’s are warm and soft as they move over his; then he goes to pull away. But Jerath h
as had a taste now and he wants more. He grabs Meren’s hips and tugs him forward until they both gasp at the contact.

  Meren brings his other hand up and cups Jerath’s face, tilting his head for a better angle. He licks into Jerath’s mouth and Jerath moans—a low rumble in his chest. The sound shocks them both and they pull back quickly, lips wet and glistening in the firelight.

  Meren looks flushed and his eyes are so dark they’re almost black. Jerath wants to kiss him again, wants to feel Meren pressed up against him, but he knows he won’t be able to stop there and he doesn’t want it to go any further tonight.

  “Night, Meren.” He steps back to put some space between them.

  “See you in the morning.” Meren smiles and reluctantly turns away.

  Jerath watches him head off to join his men in one of the larger tents, and sighs heavily. He has a feeling these next few days are going to be very interesting.

  SERIM is lying on the soft pallet of furs and blankets when Jerath ducks into the tent. He turns away from her before he pulls his shirt over his head, but decides to keep his breeches on. He’s half-hard from the kiss and doesn’t want Serim to notice.

  When he scrambles under the blankets next to her, she’s smirking at him.

  “What?” He tries to sound nonchalant, but Serim raises an eyebrow and he can’t help but grin. “Meren kissed me.”

  She smiles back and drags him in for a hug. “I told you he liked you.” Her breath tickles his ear, and he shivers a little before flopping onto his back and staring up at the canvas.

  “What’s the point, though?” He sighs and turns his head to look at her. “I mean, once he takes us to see his father, we probably won’t see him again.”

  “You don’t know that, and it’s not like you have to marry him, Jerath. Just have some fun.” Serim looks down at the furs covering them and when she raises her eyes, Jerath can tell that she’s on the verge of tears.

  “Serim?”

  “We don’t know what tomorrow will bring, Jerath. I waited for Ghaneth, followed the stupid rules that said I wasn’t allowed to get involved before he’d been through his Choosing. And look where that got us.” She wipes at the tears that have started to fall. “I may never get the chance again.”

  “We’ll get them back, Serim.” He pulls her into his arms and she buries her face in his chest.

  “I know we will.” She snuggles farther in. “All I’m saying is, don’t let anything hold you back from taking what you want, Jerath. Especially not our outdated village traditions.” She sniffs a little and lifts her head so that she can look at him. “If you like Meren, do something about it before it’s too late.”

  She settles back down and they lie in silence for a while. Jerath’s eyes are closing and he’s just dropping off to sleep when Serim’s voice jolts him awake again.

  “So, do you?” she asks in a quiet whisper against his skin.

  “Do I what?”

  “Like Meren.”

  Jerath smiles to himself. He thought she’d let that go far too easily before. “Yes. I like him.” He feels her lips curve up in a smile.

  “Tell me about the kiss. Was it good? Did he use his tongue, and did you want more?”

  “Serim!” Jerath hisses and gives her ribs a poke for good measure. “I’m not telling you!”

  “I tell you everything,” she huffs.

  “Yes, and now I’m scarred for life.” He laughs softly as she grumbles and threatens never to tell him anything again. “Fine… yes, yes, and fuck yes.”

  Serim just about manages not to squeal.

  “Good night, Serim.”

  They fall asleep with Serim still tucked under Jerath’s arm and neither one of them thinks to shift and stand guard.

  SERIM and Jerath are both up before the rest of the camp the next morning and they take the opportunity to shift and explore. They pad silently past the sleeping tents and out into the surrounding grasslands.

  It feels good to run. They race after each other, and Jerath nips at Serim’s tail when she sneaks past and flicks it in his face. By the time they make it back to camp, the men are up and about. Serim and Jerath are still in their shifted forms. They get more curious looks as they walk back toward their tent, but thankfully no one tries to attack them.

  Meren’s just coming out of his tent when they get there and he stops abruptly, staring at them both with a small smile curving his lips. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it,” he says. He takes a step toward Serim and raises his hand. “Can I?” he asks before Serim has a chance to growl at him. “Can I stroke you?”

  Serim purrs as she saunters over and rubs against Meren’s outstretched hand. He grins and his face lights up as he strokes down the sleek fur of her back. Jerath watches as Meren fusses over her, and swishes his tail in annoyance. He knows Serim’s panther is beautiful but it doesn’t mean that Meren has to ignore him. Jerath flops down and drops his head onto his paws. He huffs out a breath and growls when Serim curls around Meren’s legs. She looks back at him, her blue eyes full of mischief, and then saunters off inside their tent.

  “Jerath.” Meren walks over to him and crouches down, but Jerath turns his face away. “Are you angry with me?” Jerath bares his teeth. “It’s just, I’ve never seen a black panther before, that’s all.” Meren sits down in front of him and tentatively reaches out with his fingers. “But you… your markings are breathtaking.” Meren’s fingertips brush against Jerath’s ears and Jerath shuffles closer.

  Meren runs his hands over Jerath’s head and ears. He strokes down Jerath’s flank and fists his hands in the thick fur there. When Jerath has finally had enough of being petted, he slowly rises to his feet. Meren looks at him. Their faces are almost level and Jerath can’t resist taking a swipe at him with his tongue. He nuzzles at Meren’s neck, licking along his collarbone and up behind his ear. He tastes soft furs, grasslands, and underneath it all the warm, musky scent of Meren’s skin. Jerath purrs in contentment and licks at him a little more.

  Meren laughs and tries to push him off, but Jerath is much stronger in his animal form and he just nudges Meren back down until he’s hovering over him. “Okay, okay,” Meren concedes and attempts to avoid Jerath’s rough tongue. “I promise to pay you more attention than the panther, from now on.”

  Jerath growls his approval and leaves Meren lying on the floor as he heads into the tent to shift back. He does, however, manage to flick Meren in the face with his tail as he passes.

  “HOW long will it take to get back to your village?” Serim asks. She and Jerath are sitting in the middle of the camp as the men around them prepare to go hunting.

  Meren walks over and stands in front of them. “It takes two days from here, but we have at least another two days’ worth of hunting to do before we can head back.”

  Serim’s face falls.

  “If we help you hunt,” Jerath says and reaches for her hand, “can you leave in one day’s time instead?”

  Meren sighs and sits down next to Jerath. “If we get enough meat today, then yes. But I can’t go back to my father with less than we need.”

  “We understand.” Jerath stands and tugs Serim up with him. “If it’s okay with you, we’ll join you in a few moments.”

  Meren smiles and nods before going back to check on his hunters.

  Jerath and Serim quickly return to the tent and shed their clothes, all embarrassment gone, and shift. When they join Meren and the others at the edge of the camp, Meren beckons them over to where he’s chatting with Torek. He grins as Jerath muscles his way in front of Serim to get to him first, and Jerath butts against his legs, making him stumble.

  “Hey!” Meren laughs and runs his hand down Jerath’s back. It feels good, and Jerath wonders what it would feel like on his bare skin instead of his fur.

  “When you two have quite finished?” Torek raises an eyebrow at them and Serim huffs out a breath. Jerath knows she’d roll her eyes if she could. “Maybe we can get going?”

&nbs
p; Meren smiles widely at his friend, but shouts out orders to the rest of his men and they all set off in search of more white-tailed deer.

  THE hunt is very successful, but bloody. Serim and Jerath take down two deer each and the hunters another six. The animals are taken back to camp to be dressed and wrapped, and Meren and a few of the others head down to the nearby river to clean up.

  “Are you coming?” Meren walks over to Jerath and waves a finger at all the blood on his fur. “You could wash all that off before you shift back.”

  Serim doesn’t wait for Jerath, she just pushes past him and heads down to the water. Torek laughs and wanders after her. “I guess that’s a yes, then.”

  “Come on.” Meren gestures for Jerath to walk with him and they follow after Serim and Torek, side by side.

  The water is cool and refreshing and Jerath bounds into the stream, splashing Meren and Torek as he jumps about. The men crouch down and wash their faces and arms, and then wipe the blood from their knives.

  Serim is quick to clean herself and head back to the tent, and Jerath decides to let her have a little time alone to get dry and dressed. They may be used to seeing each other naked, but that doesn’t mean they don’t like their privacy too.

  One by one, Meren’s men head back to camp until it’s just Meren, Torek, and Jerath.

  Torek clears his throat and looks between the two of them. “I’ll go see if they’ve started the fire yet.” He gives Meren a knowing look and Jerath is so glad he can’t blush in this form. They both watch Torek until he disappears over the hill and out of sight.

  Meren turns to Jerath and walks out a little farther into the water until he’s standing in front of him. “You’ve missed a bit.” He bends down so he can scoop up some water and washes the side of Jerath’s neck, working his way up to just behind Jerath’s ears.

  Meren’s hands are firm and strong, and Jerath purrs as he works his fingers through the thick fur. It’s the second time today that Meren’s hands have been on him, and Jerath has still yet to feel them on his skin. He imagines it now: strong fingers massaging his shoulders, moving down his back and settling low on his hips.