Bitten By the Alpha Read online

  They nodded as one.

  “Thank you.”

  Gareth watched them go, a fierce pride burning inside. He drew his strength from them, and he needed it now more than ever.

  Sensing Cam approaching, Gareth steeled himself and turned around. His heart stuttered once before returning to normal. If that was his sole reaction, he could handle that.

  “I’d like to talk to you about something, but I understand if you need a few days grace to get your head together.” Cam smiled, and Gareth felt his resolve crumble.

  Taking a deep breath made everything worse as Cam’s scent surrounded him, the usual comfort it brought, now coupled with an edge of excitement and the promise of what Gareth could offer him.

  Fucking hell.

  He clenched his jaw so hard it hurt, and with great effort, he managed to get out, “Thank you. I think a few days to myself would be wise.”

  Cam nodded, and the flash of disappointment in his eyes cut Gareth to the core, but he couldn’t help how he felt any more than Cam could.

  “I’ll come and see you Sunday afternoon.” It was the best he could offer. If he kept his distance, then maybe the worst of it would pass. How long did a potential bond take to dissolve and fade? Gareth had no fucking idea. Maybe he should ask Tim? As the pack doctor, if anyone had the answers, surely it would be him?

  With a sigh, Cam put his hand on Gareth’s shoulder, and it took all of Gareth’s control not to react. Whether he’d have leant into it or flinched, he wasn’t sure.

  “Why don’t you take the whole weekend.” Cam suggested. “We can talk after the beta meeting Monday morning.”

  Gareth swallowed and tried to ignore the warmth from where Cam still touched him. “Okay.” His voice was rough, gravelly, the effort of reining in his emotions taking its toll.

  I need to get out of here.

  “I need to go.” Gareth waited for Cam to remove his hand, the relief both welcome and not, then fled the room—the weight of Cam’s stare heavy on his back until he escaped through the double doors.

  He couldn’t go on like this.

  Pulling out his phone, he scrolled for Tim’s number and hit the call button as he started down the stairs.

  Tim answered after the third ring. “Hey, Gareth. What can I do for you?”

  Gareth sighed heavily into the speaker, and Tim laughed.

  “That bad?”

  “You have no idea.” He sighed again and gripped his phone so tight that it creaked. “Can you come see me at my flat?”

  “Yeah, of course.” After a pause and what sounded like a door opening and closing, Tim added, “I’m on a half-day at the surgery today, so I could be there in about an hour. That okay?”

  Pausing before opening the door at the bottom of the stairs, Gareth bit his lip. It’d mean telling Tim everything, but Gareth trusted him not to repeat any of it. “That’d be great. Thanks.”

  “See you in a bit, then.” Tim hung up and Gareth slid his phone back into his pocket.

  The walk back to his apartment passed in a blur as Gareth went over in his mind what he wanted to say to Tim. Not that there were many ways he could put it.

  By the time Tim rang his buzzer, Gareth was more nervous than he remembered ever being. This was huge, for fuck’s sake.

  Tim smiled at him as he opened the door.

  “Thanks for coming.” Gareth stepped aside and ushered him in. “Go on through.” He followed Tim into the living area and sat on the arm of the chair.

  “Do I need this? Tim lifted his medical bag and gave it a little shake. “I’m thinking not by the looks of you.” He sat on the sofa and gave Gareth a questioning look. “But you sounded so serious on the phone…”

  “No, you don’t need your bag. And yes, it’s serious.” He waited for Tim to set his bag on the floor and sit back. Taking a deep breath, he said, “I’m in love with Cam.”

  Tim stared at him, opened his mouth to speak, then shut it again.

  Gareth laughed softly and ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I know.”

  “Cam? Really?” He held up his hands when Gareth raised his eyebrows. “I mean, yes, he’s great and hot and all that. But he’s….”

  “My alpha? I’m aware.”

  They sat in silence for a few moments; Tim obviously absorbing everything Gareth had told him, and again Gareth wondered if he’d done the right thing. The longer it went on, the more his heart rate picked up, until he couldn’t sit still any more and stood quickly, startling Tim in the process. “Sorry. But your silence is unnerving.”

  Tim sighed and looked up at him. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. Of all the people…”

  “I know.”

  He sighed again and relaxed back into the sofa cushions. “I’m not sure what you want from me though?”

  Fuck, this was harder than he thought it would be. “I want to know how long it takes for a potential bond to fade.”

  “What?” Tim narrowed his eyes and sat forward, neck craned to meet Gareth’s gaze. “He knows?” He inhaled deeply, and Gareth watched as recognition set in. “It’s faint, but… bloody hell, Gareth.” Tim stood too and paced in front of the sofa. “I know this would make things really bloody complicated, but I have to ask…” He came to a stop beside Gareth. “Are you both sure you don’t want to complete it?” Gareth stared at him, not sure he’d heard right. “I may be biased, but me and Seb—”

  “Stop.” Gareth held his hand up and shook his head. “Cam doesn’t feel the same way.”

  “But—”

  “I told him—well, it was more like I showed him—and he was very understanding but also very clear. He loves me as a member of his pack, as one of his betas…. But nothing more.” Feeling deflated, Gareth walked over to the armchair and collapsed into it, covering his face with his hands.

  “I don’t understand.”

  Gareth peered at him through his fingers. “Tim, I had him pressed against the wall, claws out…. And he let me.” The memory burned hot with embarrassment. “There was no big declaration of feelings on his part, only a gentle rejection.” Just thinking about it made his heart ache all over again, and he clenched his fingers tight. Claw tips pressed into his palms, the only thing grounding him and keeping him from falling apart. “Cam doesn’t love me the same way, Tim. There’s no bond to complete.”

  Tim glanced up at the ceiling and bit his lip, and Gareth got the feeling he was trying to get his words right before speaking.

  Please let him have some fucking answers, because I don’t want to feel this way anymore.

  Walking over to Gareth, Tim crouched in front of him and put his hands on his thighs. “Gareth, I’m going to try and explain this to the best of my knowledge, but you need to bear in mind that there can always be exceptions.”

  Gareth scrunched his eyes together in confusion. “Go on, then.”

  “Well.” He hesitated, as though the words were hard to get out. Gareth knew exactly how that felt. “As far as I’m aware, and I’m not an expert by any means, so…” Gareth waved him on. “Ok. I believe a potential bond occurs when both partners show an interest.” He paused, and Gareth’s mind swirled with the only possible meaning of that statement. “You don’t get that scent if it’s one-sided.”

  Hope flared, strong and bright, but Gareth fought to keep it contained because Tim had to be mistaken. “You’re wrong. I didn’t smell it on him. I almost kissed him, Tim, and he didn’t react. If there was any chance he felt the same, then surely I’d have been able to sense it?”

  No heady scent of arousal had filled the room; only Gareth’s and the lingering scent from Cam’s bed. Nothing new.

  Tim sighed. “I don’t know how to explain all that, but your wolf recognises a potential mate, that’s how it all starts. There has to be something there between you. Something deep down and primal….” He sat down on the floor and crossed his legs. “I don’t know what to tell you, or even if I should be discussing this with you at all since it involve
s our alpha, for fuck’s sake. But Cam isn’t like everyone else.”

  Tell me something I don’t know.

  He gave Tim an incredulous look.

  “No, I mean he locks all his emotions away, has done since Mia. Not where the pack are concerned, never there. But regarding himself and anything intimate, he’s worse than Alec was in that regard.”

  Gareth groaned. “Shit.”

  “Exactly.”

  Up until Mark came on the scene, Gareth would have put money on Alec being single forever.

  Tim carried on. “I’m hypothesising here, but maybe he’s just shut that side of himself away for so long that he doesn’t recognise that part anymore.” Gareth stared back at him, and Tim grinned. “That sounded like a load of bollocks, didn’t it?”

  “Pretty much.” Gareth managed a smile, despite himself.

  “Fuck, Gareth. I don’t know what to tell you.” Tim scrubbed a hand over his eyes and blew out a breath. “I don’t know why you’re experiencing the start of a potential bond and he isn’t. Or if that will ever change.”

  “I’m so glad I called you,” Gareth deadpanned.

  Tim winced. “Sorry.”

  Nudging him with his foot to let him know he was kidding, Gareth offered him another small smile. “Can you tell me how long it’ll take to fade?” His hand went automatically to his chest, as if drawn there, and he rubbed back and forth with the heel of his hand. “Because I can’t function properly like this. And I don’t want anyone else to know how I feel about Cam. Which is kind of difficult to hide at the moment.”

  “If it’s any consolation, the scent’s very faint. You’d have to know what you were looking for.”

  “Nathan already knows.”

  “Oh.”

  “But not who with, so there’s that. But he’s not the only bonded shifter in this pack, and remember one of them is Alec. Someone’s going to notice.”

  “True, but they won’t know who it’s with. If Cam shows no signs at all, then you’re safe, as far as that goes.”

  Gareth thought about that. “I guess. If anyone asks, I can say it’s complicated.” He thought about his reaction when Cam had touched him earlier: a simple hand on his shoulder. “But if they see the way I act around Cam, they’ll know, or suspect at the very least.”

  “They’ll still be confused though, and from what I understand, there’s enough going on right now to keep everyone occupied. The way you smell is going to be the least of everyone’s concerns.”

  “Yeah, you’re right.” He rested his elbows on his knees with a sigh. “I’m so wrapped up in this… this feeling, I can’t think straight.”

  What an arse. He’d made everything about him and his problems when they had much more serious issues to deal with. “I’ve been so fucking selfish lately. I need to get a grip and stop being so—”

  “Gareth!” Tim’s sharp tone cracked like a whip. “As your doctor, I want you to stop that line of thinking right now. This isn’t something you have much control over, believe me. I know what it’s like. Mating bonds can be all-consuming, even potential ones. Your instinct is to pursue it, to make it complete, so of course it’s going to be at the forefront of your mind. And quite frankly, knowing what I do now, I’m amazed you’ve managed to hide it for so long. I’m guessing these feelings aren’t new?”

  “No. I’ve loved him for years. But I’ve always managed to keep it under control, until recently.”

  Tim eyed him curiously, his doctor’s brain wanting answers. “What happened to trigger a change, do you know?”

  “I have a pretty good idea, yes.”

  “And?” Rolling his eyes, Tim motioned for him to continue. “I need to know for medical reasons.”

  “Of course you do.” He was almost certain that was a load of rubbish, but Gareth elaborated anyway. “Rachel happened.”

  “Ahh.” Understanding dawned. “You were jealous? Thought she was here for Cam?”

  “Maybe,” Gareth hedged.

  Tim hummed. “A shifter being possessive. Who would have thought it?”

  “Oh piss off.” Gareth kicked him playfully, then steeled his expression. “So assuming neither of us does anything to further the bond process—” A polite way of saying as long as they didn’t fuck or bite each other. “—then it should eventually fade to nothing and I’ll go back to how I was before?”

  “Yes. The desperate need to be near him and to touch him should go.”

  Gareth gave him a withering stare. “Yes, thanks for spelling it out.”

  “Sorry.”

  “What if it fades and something triggers it again. Because one day Cam might find someone he wants to get involved with.”

  “I’m not sure it works like that.” His voice softened. “As far as I know, you only get one shot at a bond. I could look into it more if you want, but—”

  “No, that’s okay.”

  Gareth clenched and unclenched his fingers, not sure how to feel about that. Initially his first reaction was to want it gone: he couldn’t function properly as Cam’s beta with this hanging between them. But if this was his only chance to bond with him….

  No. He’s not interested. And never will be.

  He met Tim’s gaze, thankful not to see any pity there. “You never answered my question, though. Any idea how long before it starts to get easier?”

  Tim blew out a breath and spread his hands out in front of him.

  Not the reaction Gareth had hoped for. “You’ve no idea, have you?”

  “It’s not an exact science, Gareth. I’ve seen it take as little as a week or a few months.”

  “A few months?” Fucking hell. “I can’t be like this”—he gestured to where his claws had cut into his palms—“for a few more days, let alone months.” The dried blood mocked him where it stuck to his skin. He had so little control over himself where Cam was concerned, and that thought scared the shit out of him. “What do I do?”

  Taking Gareth’s hands in his, Tim carefully uncurled his fingers. “How have you managed all this time? Because I would never have known you felt this strongly about him.”

  How did I manage?

  It seemed impossible to believe he’d successfully hidden his feelings for so long when all it had taken to let them out was jealousy. “I’m not sure, exactly.” He sighed, still stunned at how quickly things had unravelled. “I knew nothing could happen between us, and I guess I buried my feelings deep enough that they never surfaced.”

  Tim frowned. “Wow. That must have been… exhausting.”

  Gareth shrugged. “I got used to it.” After a while, he wasn’t sure he even noticed himself doing it. Maybe he’d got lax and let his concentration slip. Not that it mattered now.

  “As useless as this advice is, it’s all I’ve got. Whatever you did before to bury your feelings, try and do that now. I know it’ll be much harder, but I’m not sure what else to suggest. A bond will take as long as it needs to fade. And unfortunately, in your case, I think that’ll be a while.

  “Great.” Gareth rolled his eyes. “And yes, that was useless advice, but thanks.”

  Tim gave him an apologetic smile. “Yeah, sorry.” He stood and Gareth walked him to the front door, their meeting over with. “You know, on second thoughts,” Tim said, turning to face Gareth as they came to a halt. “And I probably shouldn’t say this, because clearly Cam has his reasons for locking his emotions away as tightly as he does, but…” Gripping Gareth’s shoulder, he lowered his voice. “It’s not one-sided, Gareth. Maybe we’re wrong. Maybe it’s not something you should try and bury. Maybe it’s surfaced now for a reason.”

  Gareth’s treacherous heart lurched at the thought, and hope unfurled in his chest despite his attempts to stop it. “Even if by some remote possibility Cam feels the way I do…” He had to stop and catch his breath because the idea of it made his knees weak. “Things would get horribly complicated.”

  Tim squeezed his shoulder hard and then let go with a small smile. “Nothing
worthwhile is ever easy.”

  With a deep sigh, Gareth reached past him and opened the door. “I suppose not.” Moving aside to let Tim slip past, Gareth rested his head against the doorframe and watched him walk away towards the stairs.

  What the fuck do I do now?

  CHAPTER NINE

  Sunday evening came around all too quickly, and Cam found himself wondering where the weekend had gone. For the first time in what seemed like weeks, he’d taken time off from his alpha duties and spent the two days catching up on a little TV, finishing the book he’d started months ago, and generally taking the time to re-charge his batteries. The last few weeks had been intense for everyone, never a moment to catch their breath, until now. And after Gareth’s revelation, he’d needed time away from everything to collect himself.

  Rachel, whether she sensed his desire for privacy or not, had mainly kept to herself. But now the alpha in him tugged at his conscience, suggesting his behaviour wasn’t that of a gracious host.

  He set his book down on the bedside table and sat up. The sun had set an hour or so ago, the sky nearing the darkness that Cam loved most. The curtains were still open, affording him a view of the clear night sky. Even the quarter moon called to him. That was one thing he hadn’t managed to fit in this weekend—a run. Perhaps now wasn’t the time to shift and race around in the park. He should really inform his betas if he was going to do that. But he could go for a walk.

  Pulling on some jeans and a hoodie, Cam left his bedroom and went to knock on Rachel’s. Her door was slightly ajar, so he knew she’d hear him.

  After a few seconds, she pulled the door wide and smiled at him. “I thought you were done for the night.”

  “I did too. But it’s such a lovely evening, and I’m feeling restless.” He returned her smile. “Fancy a walk? I can show you where we go for our full-moon runs, if you like?”

  Her face lit up. “Give me one sec.” She disappeared back into her room in a flurry of movement.

  I should have offered this sooner.